I've learned a lot about myself during the process of writing this semester, perhaps too much. In my opinion, journalists are confronted with numerous challenges when developing an article: from the broadest, most common predicament to the journalist faces their specialty problems which seem tailor-made to inhibit their progress. As is my case.
The most humbling is accepting an assignment in which you do not yet see the significance. Another challenge is one that relates to personal standards: research the heck out of your story, don't ask obvious questions, don't take the easy angle. The last challenge that is often the most difficult for many writers is the process of editing. There is a certain amount of objectivity required to discern, out of the hundreds of facts you may have, which are truly interesting and relevant.
Organization is such an essential part of developing any written piece. After changing my major from English to journalism, I ran with the possibilities and options that this new creativity allowed. However, I might have gone a tad overboard in creative license and completely forgotten any sort of standard or restrictions in writing, leaving me wandering in the overwhelming clutter of my mind.
Writing for me is a necessity. I really couldn't imagine how insane I would go if I couldn't organize my thoughts on paper. I'm such a visual person, that anything auditory is just gibberish. It's almost a handicap, I swear. My friend had the same work schedule for years, but he'd never written it down, so I'd always ask him- "when do you work again?" Thankfully he's quite patient ( :
Almost three-quarters of the paperwork I have in my house consist of lists: To-do lists, To-call lists, Homework lists, To-buy, To-save for, etc. I suppose I need to get all my worries and nonsense out of my head in order to focus on more pertinent issues.
I never recognize the significance of my thoughts until they're in writing; it's like they don't exist. If you don't think I'm crazy yet, just wait. Most of the time, I'm incredibly busy. I get so caught up in everyday tasks and obligations that I don't have time to get lost in my thoughts, let alone write them down.
This unfortunately comes with its own little quirky consequences. If I haven't written for a while I start to think in narrative. That's right- I begin to NARRATE my own life, like I'm a character in a book. It's pretty weird, especially when I don't realize I'm doing it!
"She walked to her car, trying her best not to think about him. Focusing instead of the cold weather she shivered. 'It's FINALLY winter!' she sighed. Immediately she began a mental inventory of her closet. 'Ugh, I don't have any winter clothes,' she thought. Growing up in Southern California all she ever really needed was a coat to put over her summer clothes.
'Hmmm, I probably need to invest in some actual winter stuff. She watched a professor walk by wrapped in a cozy-looking scarf with chic boots that came up to her calf. 'Adults have winter clothes. Adults are organized and put together. I wonder if I'll every feel like an adult?' She shook her head and thought 'most adults probably ALSO have decent bank accounts to allow for such expenses.' Just a few more months and she'd be done with school. Maybe then, she’d leave the world as she knows it behind . . . and finally grow up."
If you've seen Stranger Than Fiction you could better understand my dilemma. To fix this problem, I force myself to keep writing tools with me at all times- to prevent a complete psychotic break institutionalization:
"Hey what's she in here for?"
"Oh her? She thinks she's living in a book, she only talks in third person."
"Oh that's terrible!"
"Yeah, if only she would've taken the time to write...."
Another important habit I've found useful (which I'm sure almost everyone has discovered before me and has been keeping it a secret) is simple goals. I have a tendency when writing, whether journaling or writing for assignment, to digress on a whim. Especially during journaling, which is usually completely without direction, I jump from subject to subject in more of a rant than anything.
On bad days, all I want to do is to spill my guts without inflicting harm on another human being. But in the future, when I go back and read my entries, it's as if another person had written it. In the chaos of pure passion my writing is reduced to a fifth grade level, with horrible grammar, misspellings, and the occasional profanity. If nothing, it's incredibly amusing. But it has also served another purpose in revealing to me the pitfalls of chaotic writing.
As an experiment, I begin to give myself "assignments" - focus for my scattered musings. The results blew me away. Most of my thoughts on the specified subject magically condensed, clarified, and flowed to create a coherent article.
Being such a disorganized wreck for so long, I finally discovered for myself the secret everyone had been keeping from me (or so I thought): FOCUS.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Monday, November 24, 2008
I Need Africa.....
“I need Africa more than Africa needs me” The thought of a contributor needing the cause more than the cause needs a contributor seems to be more common occurrence; especially considering the fad of celebrity-endorsed charities, international adoptions, and every student on campus trumpeting some sort of cause.
It appears that in an attempt to define oneself, portray an image, or sincerely help out another human being there is actually … progress. Does it matter what one’s intentions are? Or is it the outcome alone that should motivate our participation?
For so many, the opportunity to get involved and “make a difference” awakes a warm fuzzy side that reminds us of the glowing look on our mother’s face when we “shared.” Now that we are out of strollers, pigtails, and elementary school, has the need for approval of good deeds subsided?
I should think not. But I have come to the conclusion that it does not reduce the result of the gift, action, etc. The only thing it affects is the deep advantages it bestows on the giver. Of course, praise, admiration and respect among other things will accompany “good deeds.” However, the general “high” that many seek from giving of themselves can fade quickly, and they’re left with nothing.
Although in my opinion, selfish intentions do not negate the “good deed,” it sucks the core out of the action. I’m here to tell you about the mocha club.
This isn’t about fasting from your mocha cravings twice a month so that you can whine to your friends about how you’re such a martyr. This is about the knowledge that in other countries, your donation makes a significant difference. It is the realization that your excessive addiction to the habitual Starbucks run is just that, excessive. You have excess while others don’t necessities.
The mocha-club is a community based organization where members donate $7 a month, the cost of two mochas, to help a variety of causes in Africa. Whether or not your intentions are pure, that for you to decide, but know that you have an obligation… to reject ignorance, and accept responsibility.
For more info check out mochaclub.org
It appears that in an attempt to define oneself, portray an image, or sincerely help out another human being there is actually … progress. Does it matter what one’s intentions are? Or is it the outcome alone that should motivate our participation?
For so many, the opportunity to get involved and “make a difference” awakes a warm fuzzy side that reminds us of the glowing look on our mother’s face when we “shared.” Now that we are out of strollers, pigtails, and elementary school, has the need for approval of good deeds subsided?
I should think not. But I have come to the conclusion that it does not reduce the result of the gift, action, etc. The only thing it affects is the deep advantages it bestows on the giver. Of course, praise, admiration and respect among other things will accompany “good deeds.” However, the general “high” that many seek from giving of themselves can fade quickly, and they’re left with nothing.
Although in my opinion, selfish intentions do not negate the “good deed,” it sucks the core out of the action. I’m here to tell you about the mocha club.
This isn’t about fasting from your mocha cravings twice a month so that you can whine to your friends about how you’re such a martyr. This is about the knowledge that in other countries, your donation makes a significant difference. It is the realization that your excessive addiction to the habitual Starbucks run is just that, excessive. You have excess while others don’t necessities.
The mocha-club is a community based organization where members donate $7 a month, the cost of two mochas, to help a variety of causes in Africa. Whether or not your intentions are pure, that for you to decide, but know that you have an obligation… to reject ignorance, and accept responsibility.
For more info check out mochaclub.org
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Others
Here are some other blogs I've found interesting in relation to philosophy. I don't necessarily agree with all of them- but that would be a boring, bias exploration if I did. The End
http://existentialist.blogspot.com/2005/11/henry-david-thoreau-of-philosophy.html
http://blog.sofeminine.co.uk/blog/seeone_226870_5047928/Be-David/the-social-philosophy-of-Confucius
http://blogthoreau.blogspot.com/
http://www.arashworld.blogspot.com/
http://happinessofbeing.blogspot.com/
http://adventuresinexistence.blogspot.com/
http://existentialist.blogspot.com/2005/11/henry-david-thoreau-of-philosophy.html
http://blog.sofeminine.co.uk/blog/seeone_226870_5047928/Be-David/the-social-philosophy-of-Confucius
http://blogthoreau.blogspot.com/
http://www.arashworld.blogspot.com/
http://happinessofbeing.blogspot.com/
http://adventuresinexistence.blogspot.com/
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
What Are You Waiting For?
So, is it bad that I am skeptical of love? Only God is capable of unconditional love, so maybe we need to lower our expectations a little. We can't expect another person to "complete" us. That's not possible. When we seek after God for our completion then, if he wills it, he could give us someone to enhance our lives and in doing so bring glory to himself. Because he is the creator of relationships. When they are done the right way, it makes him happy. But we need to stop looking for purpose in relationships. All that brings is confusion and heartache. It's a waste of energy. Thank God, if you are single, that you can use this time as a single person to build your relationship with him, thereby completing yourself. When the time comes, you'll be able to offer yourself to your spouse as a whole person, without putting unrealistic expectations on them. You can just sit back and enjoy them as a gift, an addition to your life, not a missing piece. Please try and put things into perspective people. Most of us will be blessed with a spouse eventually. So why are we in such a hurry? You're going to be with that person for the rest of your life! What's a few years difference? This time can be used to serve God and grow in a totally different way than you would if you were married! Every single person has the fear that they will end up alone, or have to settle in the end. But guess what? God doesn't have some twisted sense of humor, and he doesn't get pleasure out of seeing you sad! But what he does have is a plan for this period of your life. It is your choice to either fulfil his plan and his purpose, or to waste your time complaining about being single. God know's the desires of your heart! He's your Dad, and DOES want you to be happy! Stop limiting his love for you and his knowledge of your wants and needs. He knows.
Character
So, I used to think that I had to try harder to be a better person. To be more more like Jesus. I needed to study the Bible more so that I would know HOW to achieve this lofty goal. I needed to be conscientious and make the right choices. But I have recently discovered that while this is a good ideal to work towards, it's not right. First and foremost I need to be seeking what's important to God, not me. I was so sure that me trying to improve my character, morals, and making sacrifices would make God happy. But, he doesn't simply want our sacrifices, he says he wants our obedience. At church, the pastor pointed out that Jesus cared about people. He cared about the ones who were hurting, confused, and seeking for an answer. So that's what we need to be concerned with. Not necessarily our own spiritual condition as much. I already have salvation! How selfish of me to ignore the need out there. If I were to commit to fully serving God, and being used for his ultimate goal, all of my desires to be closer to him, and a stronger person would follow. Sometimes we get so sidetracked with seeking the blessings, the byproducts, that we forget our mission. The great commission.
Universal Disclaimer
UNIVERSAL DISCLAIMER: I don't claim to have this down. I'm a sinner. I'm right along side of you screwing up. I ignore God and disobey Him. But I also love him, and know that no matter what, He is worth obedience. Sometimes I get thoughts on it and want to write them down. And everyone always gets SO hung out on the hypocrite thing. Seriously, we're all hypocrites. I'm sorry if you had a bad experience with Christians preaching one thing and doing another, but that's life. That's not an excuse not go to church, or read your Bible. That's someone else's problem, don't claim it as your own. If we waited till we were perfect to say anything about God, or claim God, or tell our friends about God, or mention God on our MySpace, then nothing would ever happen. We're all human! I don't know if we're scared of misrepresenting Christ and screwing it up for people who are watching our example - which it totally ligit. But we're not preaching our perfection, we're sharing about HIS. And claiming Christianity, is claiming that you're gonna try to live your life in a way that would make God happy. We are going to miss sometimes! But that's okay, as long as you're TRYING. And don't kid yourself, you know when you are and aren't. There's a difference between a sin here and there and a LIFESTYLE of sin. Other times, people are afraid to claim God, because they are scared of getting called out when they screw up. But maybe. . . . that's okay. Maybe we need to get called out. "Hey, aren't you Christian? Why are stumbling drunk, past the point of no return?!" . . . . . . . Hmmmmm, yeah, good point, why AM I???? so please look past my unworthiness to write ANYTHING about a Holy God. And realize, that all I can do is try. here we go-
Surprised?
Are you surprised? Well, you shouldn't be. Are you shocked that people don't meet your expectations, or worse- blatantly betray you? I'm sorry people, but there are only a few things in life that you can count on, and one of them is that people are CONSISTENTLY selfish! When it comes down to it, you can bet that in a sticky situation they sure as heck aren't going to pick your well-being over theirs! Survival instinct, my friend. You may be thinking- "what crazy twisted betrayal could have led her to such a glib way of thinking?" Well, there's a list, it may be shorter or longer than yours- who knows. That's not the point. I've seen your list too. That is what has led me to such a conclusion. Logically- wouldn't you rather count on something that shows up in every person in the world (selfishness) or hold out for an unrealistic ideal? The fact is- it's common sense.
Hmmm, actually that doesn't match up, cause if it was common sense- then everyone would have it (almost). And CLEARLY it is not common knowledge that very little should be expected of human beings in general. I'm not saying don't give people a chance. Of course, they can prove you wrong. But just take that instance where they proved you wrong and simply appreciate it for what it is- a conscious act against their very nature. If you take it in that mind frame, everyone's happy! Your don't feel like the rugs been ripped out from under you, because you saw it coming, and you jumped! And there isn't as much drama, because the culprit is completely thrown off by your reaction. priceless. stay on top.
You can think what you want, think I need therapy, pity me because I won't trust people. But, I bet, when you are all alone, and you felt like you've just been punched in the stomach because an inconsistency in your sweetie's alibi is glaring you in the face; or when a secret is betrayed and you feel like someone ripped out part of your heart and put it up for sale to the highest bidder on gossip ebay; or when someone crosses the line and betrays something you held so sacred (say marriage, anyone?), or when someone turns out to not be who you though AT ALL, after years of knowing them perhaps . . . . . You will wish- you will wish that you had assumed it from the get-go. You will wish that instead of being blindsided you foresaw the bullet coming. (although of course there is still pain) there won't be any sting. You can shrug, say "I guessed as much," and (I guarrantee) get on with your life ten times faster.
And really- there are great people out there. I LOVE people. I find them fascinating and engaging. I'm not saying people are evil. It's just that EVERYONE is capable of the lowest lows. People can do loyal things, or posess loyal qulaities, but in the end, no one is inherently loyal.
So even if I do have to go to therapy, to me, it is worth it. I would rather trust too little, than too much. Because if someone's gonna work hard enough to gain it, that might (keyword: MIGHT) be an indicator that they'll work hard to keep it. I just think it's funny, and VERY sad simultaneously that people give their trust away likes it not precious. They are so dumbfounded when people choose their own desires over loyalty. That is human nature.
I'm not justifying it. It's sick, and it helps me appreciate those who show themselves reliable in some situations. I really feel as if I genuinely admire good qualities more than the next person, because I expect less than the next person. No one wants to hear the story of the millionaire getting richer. It's the stories of triumph from the pits that intrigue the imagination. I'm watching you tell YOUR story. When you resist your selfish urges, I'm cheering you on more than anyone- because I didn't expect you to. Everyone else is unimpressed because they already hold you to an unrealistic standard. Yes, it may be nice having the benefit of the doubt, but friend . . . . . you have so much further to fall. All I'm saying is that it is just easier to see things how they are. Take your blindfold off, and stop crying when someone trips you. You've done it too.
Just as a side note, or er, end note-whatev: I don't think that a lack of trust automatically makes you a cold person. We've seen so much pycho-babble on TV, we assume we are professionals in what is healthy and not- especially concerning trust. People say, "you've got to trust, you've got to open up." Oh, do I? I don't think so, unless you are trying to convince me to trust you personally, then don't waste your time. Are you going to be there to pick up the pieces when my world's turned upside down by betrayal? Probably not. Then why is it a crime to protect myself?
I hope I'm not mean about it. Generally I think I'm a dang friendly person. Haha, it's silly- I was just told, people think I'm being fake cause I'm TOO friendly! Is it possible? Apparently. I'm sure my blonde hair and valley-girl way of talking doesn't help the matter. I realize it makes it difficult for people to take me seriously. I've tried to work on it, but unfortunately - my excitable, animated, shrill way of speaking is here to stay. Sorry! (definitely ruins any chances of being a lawyer, talk about glass-ceilings: mine's about a foot shorter than anyone else's) But when it comes down to it- I am sincere whether you recognize it or not. I'd rather be overly friendly than the alternative.
Okay, that was a tangent. All of this to say: You can love, and not trust, you can be friendly, but assume they will always choose their interests over yours, you can be open, but keep in mind that people are human. It's called a defense mechanism for a reason- it keeps you from getting hurt. I always thought I was an optimist because I'm a happy person. Negatory. I assume nothing of people, if not BAD things from them. I'm a realist . . . . . and I still manage to stay happy? Weird. Only by the grace of God.
Good luck. Keep human nature in mind at all times, so you never have to endure a slap in the face without already knowing it's coming
Hmmm, actually that doesn't match up, cause if it was common sense- then everyone would have it (almost). And CLEARLY it is not common knowledge that very little should be expected of human beings in general. I'm not saying don't give people a chance. Of course, they can prove you wrong. But just take that instance where they proved you wrong and simply appreciate it for what it is- a conscious act against their very nature. If you take it in that mind frame, everyone's happy! Your don't feel like the rugs been ripped out from under you, because you saw it coming, and you jumped! And there isn't as much drama, because the culprit is completely thrown off by your reaction. priceless. stay on top.
You can think what you want, think I need therapy, pity me because I won't trust people. But, I bet, when you are all alone, and you felt like you've just been punched in the stomach because an inconsistency in your sweetie's alibi is glaring you in the face; or when a secret is betrayed and you feel like someone ripped out part of your heart and put it up for sale to the highest bidder on gossip ebay; or when someone crosses the line and betrays something you held so sacred (say marriage, anyone?), or when someone turns out to not be who you though AT ALL, after years of knowing them perhaps . . . . . You will wish- you will wish that you had assumed it from the get-go. You will wish that instead of being blindsided you foresaw the bullet coming. (although of course there is still pain) there won't be any sting. You can shrug, say "I guessed as much," and (I guarrantee) get on with your life ten times faster.
And really- there are great people out there. I LOVE people. I find them fascinating and engaging. I'm not saying people are evil. It's just that EVERYONE is capable of the lowest lows. People can do loyal things, or posess loyal qulaities, but in the end, no one is inherently loyal.
So even if I do have to go to therapy, to me, it is worth it. I would rather trust too little, than too much. Because if someone's gonna work hard enough to gain it, that might (keyword: MIGHT) be an indicator that they'll work hard to keep it. I just think it's funny, and VERY sad simultaneously that people give their trust away likes it not precious. They are so dumbfounded when people choose their own desires over loyalty. That is human nature.
I'm not justifying it. It's sick, and it helps me appreciate those who show themselves reliable in some situations. I really feel as if I genuinely admire good qualities more than the next person, because I expect less than the next person. No one wants to hear the story of the millionaire getting richer. It's the stories of triumph from the pits that intrigue the imagination. I'm watching you tell YOUR story. When you resist your selfish urges, I'm cheering you on more than anyone- because I didn't expect you to. Everyone else is unimpressed because they already hold you to an unrealistic standard. Yes, it may be nice having the benefit of the doubt, but friend . . . . . you have so much further to fall. All I'm saying is that it is just easier to see things how they are. Take your blindfold off, and stop crying when someone trips you. You've done it too.
Just as a side note, or er, end note-whatev: I don't think that a lack of trust automatically makes you a cold person. We've seen so much pycho-babble on TV, we assume we are professionals in what is healthy and not- especially concerning trust. People say, "you've got to trust, you've got to open up." Oh, do I? I don't think so, unless you are trying to convince me to trust you personally, then don't waste your time. Are you going to be there to pick up the pieces when my world's turned upside down by betrayal? Probably not. Then why is it a crime to protect myself?
I hope I'm not mean about it. Generally I think I'm a dang friendly person. Haha, it's silly- I was just told, people think I'm being fake cause I'm TOO friendly! Is it possible? Apparently. I'm sure my blonde hair and valley-girl way of talking doesn't help the matter. I realize it makes it difficult for people to take me seriously. I've tried to work on it, but unfortunately - my excitable, animated, shrill way of speaking is here to stay. Sorry! (definitely ruins any chances of being a lawyer, talk about glass-ceilings: mine's about a foot shorter than anyone else's) But when it comes down to it- I am sincere whether you recognize it or not. I'd rather be overly friendly than the alternative.
Okay, that was a tangent. All of this to say: You can love, and not trust, you can be friendly, but assume they will always choose their interests over yours, you can be open, but keep in mind that people are human. It's called a defense mechanism for a reason- it keeps you from getting hurt. I always thought I was an optimist because I'm a happy person. Negatory. I assume nothing of people, if not BAD things from them. I'm a realist . . . . . and I still manage to stay happy? Weird. Only by the grace of God.
Good luck. Keep human nature in mind at all times, so you never have to endure a slap in the face without already knowing it's coming
Why the status quo has got to go
I think that people blame too much on one another. Today the pastor hit on a topic that I totally agree with. (why yes I DO disagree sometimes- he’s human too) I think we generally know what kind of people we SHOULD be. We should be kind, sincere, caring, respectful, selfless, etc. But he said we should stop waiting around for that other person to BECOME respectable, before we respect them. We shouldn’t wait until they’re loveable to love them. Because, let’s face it, you’ve been loved a few times when you weren’t loveable.
Who are you waiting for to change? Is it your husband? Girl friend? Best friend? Mom? You think "If they’d only stop prying into my personal life I’d open up a little more on my own." Or "Maybe I’d call more if they weren’t so needy," "If he wasn’t acting so sketchy, maybe I’d be honest with him" etc.
When you take an honest look at yourself I KNOW you’ll find some part of you or your life that you’re withholding. Either because you’ve been hurt by that person, and feel they should learn their lesson, or you just flat out think they don’t deserve your love (respect, honesty) at all. We put qualifiers on the way we treat people. I’m not saying you shouldn’t protect yourself at all (I'm a fan of self-defense) but if both parties are unwilling to love because of this or that- where will that get you? Someone has to forgive first. Someone has to love first.
It’s not about who’s around you, how they’re treating you and what you deserve. It’s about the person YOU decide to be. If we adjust our style and approach for each person, according to how they treat us: we just become a roller coaster of emotion. We constantly feel disappointed. We keep score: "He cheated on ME first! Why should I care if I’m cheating now?" Uh . . . because it’s WRONG. It hurt you when he did it remember? You acting out of revenge or justification won’t heal you. It may hurt him back- true. But where does it stop? And while there are definitely times you can be legitimately upset if you’ve been wronged, you can choose to be the balancing factor.
I’ve noticed this trend especially in things like flakiness. I used to take commitments so seriously. If I told you I’d call- I did. If I told you I’d meet you somewhere- I did. I prided myself on dependability. I would be the one to call if you got a flat tire, cut your thumb off, or desperately needed someone to listen- and there’s no doubt I’d be there.
But I’ve grown so lazy and adapted to what’s accepted. (and this is just one example of how I’ve allowed myself off the hook) And seriously- EVERYTHING’S accepted now! It’s almost more taboo to call someone out on flaking then actually BEING flaky! That is sick! What the heck is up with that???? "Oh, I’m sorry I gave you a hard time for leaving Christmas Eve, saying you’ll be back in 10 minutes . . . and then not coming back!!" Sketch.
Anyway, the point is, you almost have to expect that when someone says they’ll do something that it is a completely tentative, casual plan. Even if it’s accompanied by an adamant "for sure I’ll be there!" I admit that I’ve excused myself quite a few times. I tell myself "eh, they’d do the same to me, I don’t really feel like going out, I’ll just cancel," or worse- avoid calling altogether.
But I’ve now come to the conclusion that’s not who I want to be. Regardless of who anyone else chooses to be. I really think we need to stop blaming the status quo for our sad lack of character, and step up to the plate. Don’t conform anymore to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind (Romans 12:2). Realize what kind of world this would be if you always pointed at someone else when you screw up and said "they do it too!" Guess what, you’re right.
There’s always going to be someone doing worse than you. But are you always going to measure yourself against someone who you don’t necessarily look up to? Really? People don’t become great by comparing themselves to those they wouldn’t want to become.
And of course, there is always the Golden Rule: Treat others as you want to be treated. In all honesty, 9 times out of 10 you probably won’t be treated the way you want. But you can still respect yourself knowing YOU are the person you want to be. So start taking responsibility for your actions, and stop making comparisons. Figure out how you’d want to be treated, the kind of person you want to be (start by thinking of the kind of person you’d want as a friend)- and don’t ever let yourself make excuses again for not being that person.
Who are you waiting for to change? Is it your husband? Girl friend? Best friend? Mom? You think "If they’d only stop prying into my personal life I’d open up a little more on my own." Or "Maybe I’d call more if they weren’t so needy," "If he wasn’t acting so sketchy, maybe I’d be honest with him" etc.
When you take an honest look at yourself I KNOW you’ll find some part of you or your life that you’re withholding. Either because you’ve been hurt by that person, and feel they should learn their lesson, or you just flat out think they don’t deserve your love (respect, honesty) at all. We put qualifiers on the way we treat people. I’m not saying you shouldn’t protect yourself at all (I'm a fan of self-defense) but if both parties are unwilling to love because of this or that- where will that get you? Someone has to forgive first. Someone has to love first.
It’s not about who’s around you, how they’re treating you and what you deserve. It’s about the person YOU decide to be. If we adjust our style and approach for each person, according to how they treat us: we just become a roller coaster of emotion. We constantly feel disappointed. We keep score: "He cheated on ME first! Why should I care if I’m cheating now?" Uh . . . because it’s WRONG. It hurt you when he did it remember? You acting out of revenge or justification won’t heal you. It may hurt him back- true. But where does it stop? And while there are definitely times you can be legitimately upset if you’ve been wronged, you can choose to be the balancing factor.
I’ve noticed this trend especially in things like flakiness. I used to take commitments so seriously. If I told you I’d call- I did. If I told you I’d meet you somewhere- I did. I prided myself on dependability. I would be the one to call if you got a flat tire, cut your thumb off, or desperately needed someone to listen- and there’s no doubt I’d be there.
But I’ve grown so lazy and adapted to what’s accepted. (and this is just one example of how I’ve allowed myself off the hook) And seriously- EVERYTHING’S accepted now! It’s almost more taboo to call someone out on flaking then actually BEING flaky! That is sick! What the heck is up with that???? "Oh, I’m sorry I gave you a hard time for leaving Christmas Eve, saying you’ll be back in 10 minutes . . . and then not coming back!!" Sketch.
Anyway, the point is, you almost have to expect that when someone says they’ll do something that it is a completely tentative, casual plan. Even if it’s accompanied by an adamant "for sure I’ll be there!" I admit that I’ve excused myself quite a few times. I tell myself "eh, they’d do the same to me, I don’t really feel like going out, I’ll just cancel," or worse- avoid calling altogether.
But I’ve now come to the conclusion that’s not who I want to be. Regardless of who anyone else chooses to be. I really think we need to stop blaming the status quo for our sad lack of character, and step up to the plate. Don’t conform anymore to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind (Romans 12:2). Realize what kind of world this would be if you always pointed at someone else when you screw up and said "they do it too!" Guess what, you’re right.
There’s always going to be someone doing worse than you. But are you always going to measure yourself against someone who you don’t necessarily look up to? Really? People don’t become great by comparing themselves to those they wouldn’t want to become.
And of course, there is always the Golden Rule: Treat others as you want to be treated. In all honesty, 9 times out of 10 you probably won’t be treated the way you want. But you can still respect yourself knowing YOU are the person you want to be. So start taking responsibility for your actions, and stop making comparisons. Figure out how you’d want to be treated, the kind of person you want to be (start by thinking of the kind of person you’d want as a friend)- and don’t ever let yourself make excuses again for not being that person.
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