I think that people blame too much on one another. Today the pastor hit on a topic that I totally agree with. (why yes I DO disagree sometimes- he’s human too) I think we generally know what kind of people we SHOULD be. We should be kind, sincere, caring, respectful, selfless, etc. But he said we should stop waiting around for that other person to BECOME respectable, before we respect them. We shouldn’t wait until they’re loveable to love them. Because, let’s face it, you’ve been loved a few times when you weren’t loveable.
Who are you waiting for to change? Is it your husband? Girl friend? Best friend? Mom? You think "If they’d only stop prying into my personal life I’d open up a little more on my own." Or "Maybe I’d call more if they weren’t so needy," "If he wasn’t acting so sketchy, maybe I’d be honest with him" etc.
When you take an honest look at yourself I KNOW you’ll find some part of you or your life that you’re withholding. Either because you’ve been hurt by that person, and feel they should learn their lesson, or you just flat out think they don’t deserve your love (respect, honesty) at all. We put qualifiers on the way we treat people. I’m not saying you shouldn’t protect yourself at all (I'm a fan of self-defense) but if both parties are unwilling to love because of this or that- where will that get you? Someone has to forgive first. Someone has to love first.
It’s not about who’s around you, how they’re treating you and what you deserve. It’s about the person YOU decide to be. If we adjust our style and approach for each person, according to how they treat us: we just become a roller coaster of emotion. We constantly feel disappointed. We keep score: "He cheated on ME first! Why should I care if I’m cheating now?" Uh . . . because it’s WRONG. It hurt you when he did it remember? You acting out of revenge or justification won’t heal you. It may hurt him back- true. But where does it stop? And while there are definitely times you can be legitimately upset if you’ve been wronged, you can choose to be the balancing factor.
I’ve noticed this trend especially in things like flakiness. I used to take commitments so seriously. If I told you I’d call- I did. If I told you I’d meet you somewhere- I did. I prided myself on dependability. I would be the one to call if you got a flat tire, cut your thumb off, or desperately needed someone to listen- and there’s no doubt I’d be there.
But I’ve grown so lazy and adapted to what’s accepted. (and this is just one example of how I’ve allowed myself off the hook) And seriously- EVERYTHING’S accepted now! It’s almost more taboo to call someone out on flaking then actually BEING flaky! That is sick! What the heck is up with that???? "Oh, I’m sorry I gave you a hard time for leaving Christmas Eve, saying you’ll be back in 10 minutes . . . and then not coming back!!" Sketch.
Anyway, the point is, you almost have to expect that when someone says they’ll do something that it is a completely tentative, casual plan. Even if it’s accompanied by an adamant "for sure I’ll be there!" I admit that I’ve excused myself quite a few times. I tell myself "eh, they’d do the same to me, I don’t really feel like going out, I’ll just cancel," or worse- avoid calling altogether.
But I’ve now come to the conclusion that’s not who I want to be. Regardless of who anyone else chooses to be. I really think we need to stop blaming the status quo for our sad lack of character, and step up to the plate. Don’t conform anymore to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind (Romans 12:2). Realize what kind of world this would be if you always pointed at someone else when you screw up and said "they do it too!" Guess what, you’re right.
There’s always going to be someone doing worse than you. But are you always going to measure yourself against someone who you don’t necessarily look up to? Really? People don’t become great by comparing themselves to those they wouldn’t want to become.
And of course, there is always the Golden Rule: Treat others as you want to be treated. In all honesty, 9 times out of 10 you probably won’t be treated the way you want. But you can still respect yourself knowing YOU are the person you want to be. So start taking responsibility for your actions, and stop making comparisons. Figure out how you’d want to be treated, the kind of person you want to be (start by thinking of the kind of person you’d want as a friend)- and don’t ever let yourself make excuses again for not being that person.
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