What Are You Waiting For?

So, is it bad that I am skeptical of love? Only God is capable of unconditional love, so maybe we need to lower our expectations a little. We can't expect another person to "complete" us. That's not possible. When we seek after God for our completion then, if he wills it, he could give us someone to enhance our lives and in doing so bring glory to himself. Because he is the creator of relationships. When they are done the right way, it makes him happy. But we need to stop looking for purpose in relationships. All that brings is confusion and heartache. It's a waste of energy. Thank God, if you are single, that you can use this time as a single person to build your relationship with him, thereby completing yourself. When the time comes, you'll be able to offer yourself to your spouse as a whole person, without putting unrealistic expectations on them. You can just sit back and enjoy them as a gift, an addition to your life, not a missing piece. Please try and put things into perspective people. Most of us will be blessed with a spouse eventually. So why are we in such a hurry? You're going to be with that person for the rest of your life! What's a few years difference? This time can be used to serve God and grow in a totally different way than you would if you were married! Every single person has the fear that they will end up alone, or have to settle in the end. But guess what? God doesn't have some twisted sense of humor, and he doesn't get pleasure out of seeing you sad! But what he does have is a plan for this period of your life. It is your choice to either fulfil his plan and his purpose, or to waste your time complaining about being single. God know's the desires of your heart! He's your Dad, and DOES want you to be happy! Stop limiting his love for you and his knowledge of your wants and needs. He knows.

Character

So, I used to think that I had to try harder to be a better person. To be more more like Jesus. I needed to study the Bible more so that I would know HOW to achieve this lofty goal. I needed to be conscientious and make the right choices. But I have recently discovered that while this is a good ideal to work towards, it's not right. First and foremost I need to be seeking what's important to God, not me. I was so sure that me trying to improve my character, morals, and making sacrifices would make God happy. But, he doesn't simply want our sacrifices, he says he wants our obedience. At church, the pastor pointed out that Jesus cared about people. He cared about the ones who were hurting, confused, and seeking for an answer. So that's what we need to be concerned with. Not necessarily our own spiritual condition as much. I already have salvation! How selfish of me to ignore the need out there. If I were to commit to fully serving God, and being used for his ultimate goal, all of my desires to be closer to him, and a stronger person would follow. Sometimes we get so sidetracked with seeking the blessings, the byproducts, that we forget our mission. The great commission.

Universal Disclaimer

UNIVERSAL DISCLAIMER: I don't claim to have this down. I'm a sinner. I'm right along side of you screwing up. I ignore God and disobey Him. But I also love him, and know that no matter what, He is worth obedience. Sometimes I get thoughts on it and want to write them down. And everyone always gets SO hung out on the hypocrite thing. Seriously, we're all hypocrites. I'm sorry if you had a bad experience with Christians preaching one thing and doing another, but that's life. That's not an excuse not go to church, or read your Bible. That's someone else's problem, don't claim it as your own. If we waited till we were perfect to say anything about God, or claim God, or tell our friends about God, or mention God on our MySpace, then nothing would ever happen. We're all human! I don't know if we're scared of misrepresenting Christ and screwing it up for people who are watching our example - which it totally ligit. But we're not preaching our perfection, we're sharing about HIS. And claiming Christianity, is claiming that you're gonna try to live your life in a way that would make God happy. We are going to miss sometimes! But that's okay, as long as you're TRYING. And don't kid yourself, you know when you are and aren't. There's a difference between a sin here and there and a LIFESTYLE of sin. Other times, people are afraid to claim God, because they are scared of getting called out when they screw up. But maybe. . . . that's okay. Maybe we need to get called out. "Hey, aren't you Christian? Why are stumbling drunk, past the point of no return?!" . . . . . . . Hmmmmm, yeah, good point, why AM I???? so please look past my unworthiness to write ANYTHING about a Holy God. And realize, that all I can do is try. here we go-

Surprised?

Are you surprised? Well, you shouldn't be. Are you shocked that people don't meet your expectations, or worse- blatantly betray you? I'm sorry people, but there are only a few things in life that you can count on, and one of them is that people are CONSISTENTLY selfish! When it comes down to it, you can bet that in a sticky situation they sure as heck aren't going to pick your well-being over theirs! Survival instinct, my friend. You may be thinking- "what crazy twisted betrayal could have led her to such a glib way of thinking?" Well, there's a list, it may be shorter or longer than yours- who knows. That's not the point. I've seen your list too. That is what has led me to such a conclusion. Logically- wouldn't you rather count on something that shows up in every person in the world (selfishness) or hold out for an unrealistic ideal? The fact is- it's common sense.
Hmmm, actually that doesn't match up, cause if it was common sense- then everyone would have it (almost). And CLEARLY it is not common knowledge that very little should be expected of human beings in general. I'm not saying don't give people a chance. Of course, they can prove you wrong. But just take that instance where they proved you wrong and simply appreciate it for what it is- a conscious act against their very nature. If you take it in that mind frame, everyone's happy! Your don't feel like the rugs been ripped out from under you, because you saw it coming, and you jumped! And there isn't as much drama, because the culprit is completely thrown off by your reaction. priceless. stay on top.
You can think what you want, think I need therapy, pity me because I won't trust people. But, I bet, when you are all alone, and you felt like you've just been punched in the stomach because an inconsistency in your sweetie's alibi is glaring you in the face; or when a secret is betrayed and you feel like someone ripped out part of your heart and put it up for sale to the highest bidder on gossip ebay; or when someone crosses the line and betrays something you held so sacred (say marriage, anyone?), or when someone turns out to not be who you though AT ALL, after years of knowing them perhaps . . . . . You will wish- you will wish that you had assumed it from the get-go. You will wish that instead of being blindsided you foresaw the bullet coming. (although of course there is still pain) there won't be any sting. You can shrug, say "I guessed as much," and (I guarrantee) get on with your life ten times faster.
And really- there are great people out there. I LOVE people. I find them fascinating and engaging. I'm not saying people are evil. It's just that EVERYONE is capable of the lowest lows. People can do loyal things, or posess loyal qulaities, but in the end, no one is inherently loyal.
So even if I do have to go to therapy, to me, it is worth it. I would rather trust too little, than too much. Because if someone's gonna work hard enough to gain it, that might (keyword: MIGHT) be an indicator that they'll work hard to keep it. I just think it's funny, and VERY sad simultaneously that people give their trust away likes it not precious. They are so dumbfounded when people choose their own desires over loyalty. That is human nature.
I'm not justifying it. It's sick, and it helps me appreciate those who show themselves reliable in some situations. I really feel as if I genuinely admire good qualities more than the next person, because I expect less than the next person. No one wants to hear the story of the millionaire getting richer. It's the stories of triumph from the pits that intrigue the imagination. I'm watching you tell YOUR story. When you resist your selfish urges, I'm cheering you on more than anyone- because I didn't expect you to. Everyone else is unimpressed because they already hold you to an unrealistic standard. Yes, it may be nice having the benefit of the doubt, but friend . . . . . you have so much further to fall. All I'm saying is that it is just easier to see things how they are. Take your blindfold off, and stop crying when someone trips you. You've done it too.
Just as a side note, or er, end note-whatev: I don't think that a lack of trust automatically makes you a cold person. We've seen so much pycho-babble on TV, we assume we are professionals in what is healthy and not- especially concerning trust. People say, "you've got to trust, you've got to open up." Oh, do I? I don't think so, unless you are trying to convince me to trust you personally, then don't waste your time. Are you going to be there to pick up the pieces when my world's turned upside down by betrayal? Probably not. Then why is it a crime to protect myself?
I hope I'm not mean about it. Generally I think I'm a dang friendly person. Haha, it's silly- I was just told, people think I'm being fake cause I'm TOO friendly! Is it possible? Apparently. I'm sure my blonde hair and valley-girl way of talking doesn't help the matter. I realize it makes it difficult for people to take me seriously. I've tried to work on it, but unfortunately - my excitable, animated, shrill way of speaking is here to stay. Sorry! (definitely ruins any chances of being a lawyer, talk about glass-ceilings: mine's about a foot shorter than anyone else's) But when it comes down to it- I am sincere whether you recognize it or not. I'd rather be overly friendly than the alternative.
Okay, that was a tangent. All of this to say: You can love, and not trust, you can be friendly, but assume they will always choose their interests over yours, you can be open, but keep in mind that people are human. It's called a defense mechanism for a reason- it keeps you from getting hurt. I always thought I was an optimist because I'm a happy person. Negatory. I assume nothing of people, if not BAD things from them. I'm a realist . . . . . and I still manage to stay happy? Weird. Only by the grace of God.
Good luck. Keep human nature in mind at all times, so you never have to endure a slap in the face without already knowing it's coming

Why the status quo has got to go

I think that people blame too much on one another. Today the pastor hit on a topic that I totally agree with. (why yes I DO disagree sometimes- he’s human too) I think we generally know what kind of people we SHOULD be. We should be kind, sincere, caring, respectful, selfless, etc. But he said we should stop waiting around for that other person to BECOME respectable, before we respect them. We shouldn’t wait until they’re loveable to love them. Because, let’s face it, you’ve been loved a few times when you weren’t loveable.
Who are you waiting for to change? Is it your husband? Girl friend? Best friend? Mom? You think "If they’d only stop prying into my personal life I’d open up a little more on my own." Or "Maybe I’d call more if they weren’t so needy," "If he wasn’t acting so sketchy, maybe I’d be honest with him" etc.
When you take an honest look at yourself I KNOW you’ll find some part of you or your life that you’re withholding. Either because you’ve been hurt by that person, and feel they should learn their lesson, or you just flat out think they don’t deserve your love (respect, honesty) at all. We put qualifiers on the way we treat people. I’m not saying you shouldn’t protect yourself at all (I'm a fan of self-defense) but if both parties are unwilling to love because of this or that- where will that get you? Someone has to forgive first. Someone has to love first.
It’s not about who’s around you, how they’re treating you and what you deserve. It’s about the person YOU decide to be. If we adjust our style and approach for each person, according to how they treat us: we just become a roller coaster of emotion. We constantly feel disappointed. We keep score: "He cheated on ME first! Why should I care if I’m cheating now?" Uh . . . because it’s WRONG. It hurt you when he did it remember? You acting out of revenge or justification won’t heal you. It may hurt him back- true. But where does it stop? And while there are definitely times you can be legitimately upset if you’ve been wronged, you can choose to be the balancing factor.
I’ve noticed this trend especially in things like flakiness. I used to take commitments so seriously. If I told you I’d call- I did. If I told you I’d meet you somewhere- I did. I prided myself on dependability. I would be the one to call if you got a flat tire, cut your thumb off, or desperately needed someone to listen- and there’s no doubt I’d be there.
But I’ve grown so lazy and adapted to what’s accepted. (and this is just one example of how I’ve allowed myself off the hook) And seriously- EVERYTHING’S accepted now! It’s almost more taboo to call someone out on flaking then actually BEING flaky! That is sick! What the heck is up with that???? "Oh, I’m sorry I gave you a hard time for leaving Christmas Eve, saying you’ll be back in 10 minutes . . . and then not coming back!!" Sketch.
Anyway, the point is, you almost have to expect that when someone says they’ll do something that it is a completely tentative, casual plan. Even if it’s accompanied by an adamant "for sure I’ll be there!" I admit that I’ve excused myself quite a few times. I tell myself "eh, they’d do the same to me, I don’t really feel like going out, I’ll just cancel," or worse- avoid calling altogether.
But I’ve now come to the conclusion that’s not who I want to be. Regardless of who anyone else chooses to be. I really think we need to stop blaming the status quo for our sad lack of character, and step up to the plate. Don’t conform anymore to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind (Romans 12:2). Realize what kind of world this would be if you always pointed at someone else when you screw up and said "they do it too!" Guess what, you’re right.
There’s always going to be someone doing worse than you. But are you always going to measure yourself against someone who you don’t necessarily look up to? Really? People don’t become great by comparing themselves to those they wouldn’t want to become.
And of course, there is always the Golden Rule: Treat others as you want to be treated. In all honesty, 9 times out of 10 you probably won’t be treated the way you want. But you can still respect yourself knowing YOU are the person you want to be. So start taking responsibility for your actions, and stop making comparisons. Figure out how you’d want to be treated, the kind of person you want to be (start by thinking of the kind of person you’d want as a friend)- and don’t ever let yourself make excuses again for not being that person.